I love you

"I love you": 

Mind turns this statement into an investment for which it seeks returns, a name, a relationship, builds an expectation of a response, gropes for consequences, wants promises that what is now will ever remain so and hence ruins it before its full potential is even realized. 

Heart, on the other hand, takes nothing more than this phrase and soaks in it, feels it, lives it. For the heart this is the truth of the moment, the fullness of life as it experiences NOW in the wonderment of love. It makes no promises for the future and hence it realizes the true potential of this experience.

ज़मीन की खुशबू कुछ और है

चाँद तारों की कहाँ बात करता है ग़ालिब
पहले इस ज़मीन को प्यार करना तो सीखले 
दूर से तो हर कोई खूबसूरत लगता है 
जो है करीब उसे पहचानना तो सीखले 

चाँद की रौनक में मोहब्बत है ज़रूर 
पर ज़मीन की खुशबू कुछ और है 
तारों की चमक में सुकून है ज़रूर 
पर यहाँ हवा की कशिश कुछ और है 

Win as much as you can

In one of the annual events of my company, we were made to play a game called 'Win as much as you can.' As the name suggests, the aim was to garner as many points as possible. No one was a holy cow, no move was a taboo, only winning mattered. 

The rules were such that if all the teams got it right, points were distributed, but if only one team got it right, all the points went to that team. So the recipe for winning maximum points was not just to get it right but do it in a way that all others get it wrong. Also, there were negative points if you got it wrong. It was a classic case of human psychology and game theory. The ground rules were laid clear and it was understood that if everyone stayed truly honest, all the teams could've won. There were about four rounds and the stakes got bigger as the game progressed. But what began was a downpour of deceit, secrecy, back-stabbing and betrayal within the context of the game. At the end of round 4, the winning team's score was ‘(-2)’. All other teams were more negative.  

My learning: This game reflected our lives quite closely. If winning is all that matters in life, then we take the whole society, ecology, nature and life down with us. There is no winner in this philosophy, there is only the one who loses the least. We all started the game with a neutral zero, but we all – including the winner – ended up in the negative. This insightful game was for me, the reflection of life as we live it now. Do we realize yet that we’re all in the negative already? 

Movement and Stillness

Animals move on the land, birds fly through air, fishes swim in water.
Vehicles move on the road, planes fly through air, ships sail on the sea.
Moon revolves around the earth and earth around the sun while sun moves through galaxy.

Every motion happens on relative lack of motion.
Every action occurs on relative inaction.
Every movement feeds off a stillness.
Everything seen is just a layer of the unseen.
Everything felt is just a glimpse of the unfelt.
The gross is the tip, while the subtle is the iceberg.

The animal is the movement while the land is the stillness.
The bird is the seen while the air is the unseen.
The fish is the universe while the ocean is the consciousness.
One exists not without the other. 

Hugs

A hug is not a perfunctory intertwining of bodies. It is a sharing of our space, breaking down of the walls, a healing of the wounds, a melting of hearts, a prayer of expansion and an experience of oneness of the body, mind and spirit. Let’s hug a little more, embrace a little longer, celebrate and feel our oneness with each other. For anything less is demeaning to our spirit. 

Lyrical Darwinism

If Charles Darwin was a poet, how would he write his 'Theory of Evolution'? May be by simple juxtaposition of words. I began writing ‘Lyrical Darwinism’ with that thought and extended it to how evolution is likely to shift if one of the fundamental assumptions made by Darwin is changed.

***********
Everything is scarce. 

I compete with you.
You compete with me.

I fear you.
You fear me.

I hate you.
You hate me.

I kill you.
You kill me.

Everything is abundant. 

I recognize you.
You recognize me.

I accept you.
You accept me.

I love you.
You love me.

I become you.
You become me.

I am you.
You are me.

There is no I.
There is no you.

There is only us.

कि कल कोई ये न कहे... So tomorrow no one says...

देख लेने दो आज इस दुनिया को मुझे जी भरके,
कि कल जहाँ ये न कहे कि मैं यहाँ से गुज़रा न था.

बरस जाने दो आज इस बारिश को मुझपर जी भरके,
कि कल कोई बूँद ये न कहे कि मैं उसमें भीगा न था.

चल लेने दो आज मुझे इस हसीं ज़मीन पर जी भरके,
कि कल मिट्टी ये न कहे कि मैंने उसे छुआ न था.

भर लेने दो आज आसमां को आँखों में मेरी जी भरके, 
कि कल फलक ये न कहे कि मैं उसमें खोया न था.

ले लेने दो आज मुझे साँसें जी भरके,
कि कल पवन ये न कहे कि मैंने उसे महसूस किया न था.

जल जाने दो आज मुझे इस आग में जी भरके,
कि कल कोई लौ ये न कहे कि मैं उसमें समाया न था.

जी लेने दो आज मुझे हर पल को जी भरके,
कि कल कोई लम्हा ये न कहे कि मैंने उसमें ज़िंदा न था.

गा लेने दो आज हर गीत मुझे जी भरके,
कि कल कोई अलफ़ाज़ ये न कहे कि मैंने उसे गुनगुनाया न था 

English Translation

Let the world see me today to its satisfaction,

So tomorrow no one says I didn’t visit this place.

Let it rain on me today,

so tomorrow no drops says that I didn’t get wet in it.

Let me walk today on this beautiful earth,

So tomorrow it doesn’t say that I didn’t touch it.

Let me fill the sky today in my eyes,

So tomorrow it doesn’t say that I didn’t make it my mirror.

Let me breathe deeply today to my contentment,

So tomorrow the air doesn’t say that I didn’t soak in it.

Let me burn today in this fire,

So tomorrow the flames won’t say that I didn’t embrace them.

Let me live every moment today,

So tomorrow no moment says that I didn’t find life in it.

Let me sing a song today
So tomorrow no word would say that I didn't hum it. 

પરોઢીયુ - Dawn

પરોઢીયે પંખી જાગીને ગાતાં મીઠા તારા ગાન 

પરોઢીયે મંદિર મસ્જીદમાં ધરતાં લોકો તારુ ધ્યાન 

તૂ ધરતીમાં તૂ છે નભમાં સાગર મહી વસે છે તૂ 

ચાંદા સૂરજ માંએ તૂ છે ફૂલો મહી વસે  છે તૂ 

હરતાં ફરતાં કે નીંદરમાં રાત્રે દિવસે સાંઝ સવાર 

તારો અમને સાથ સદાએ તૂ છે સૌનો રક્ષણહાર 

દેવ બનાવી દુનિયા છે તે તારો છે સૌને આધાર 

તૂ છે સૌનો સૌ છે તારા નમીએ તુજને વારંવાર 

This Gujarati poetry was taught to us in our second grade. I don't know how I remembered it for so many years, but now that I do remember, I thought I'd share it before my memory gives in. I don't know who the poet is but if someone knows, then please let me know so I can give the due credit. 

That I cannot live without you

That I cannot live without you is a fantastic obsession.

That you hold the key to my joy is a brilliant fascination.

That without you I'm nothing is a magnificent illusion.

That you complete me is an outstanding delusion.

That I need your love is a romantic perception.

That I can possess you is a bold transgression.

Feelings and words

In the ocean of feelings, words are the shores.

In the wind of emotions, words are the sails.

Feelings are the limitless vista, while words are our eyes.

Emotions make the universe while words form the skies.

In our attempt to name it, we limit it.

In our quest to define it, we kill it.

There is so much to feel that to verbalize

is to squeeze a whale in a parrot cage.

And yet we choose the limited over the unlimited,

we cling to the small and forsake the big.

We dethrone the whispers of the soul

and crown the din of the mind.

The same trait rules me one way or another,

to stitch the threads of emotions into a clothe of words.

So I must stay true to my call

and wrap soaring energy into verbal meat-balls.

Someday I will grow beyond this desire to express,

this quest to verbalize and my zest to prove a point.

Someday I will rise above to simply soak in the feelings,

to bathe in the stillness, and to whisper through silence. 

I feel that ...

The lark doesn't sing because the sun is rising,
the sun rises to hear the lark sing.

The sea doesn't roar because the moon shines,
the moon shines to see the waves soar.

It doesn't rain because the earth is parched,
it rains because the sky yearns to kiss its beloved.

Wind doesn't carry the fragrance because the rose bears it,
air wraps the rose to unwrap the fragrant gift. 

Theist vs. Atheist

A theist sought God and found only himself.
An atheist sought himself and found only God. 

Take me to that place

Take me to that place where

I can see but I need no eyes,

I can hear but I need no ears,

I can fly but I need no wings,

I can walk but I need no limbs.

Take me to that place where

I can breathe but I need no lungs,

I can smell but I need no nose,

I can taste but I need no tongue,

I can feel but I need no skin.

Take me to that place where

I can listen to the light

and watch the sound,

I can taste a fragrance

and drink the wind.

Take me to that place …

****
I dedicate this poem to my yoga teacher Pradeep Ullal and Ramudu during whose meditation sessions, this poem came to me. 

Space and time

Stars seem smaller than the moon,
while my finger can hide the sun.

Earth to me looks flatter than it is;
my breath is louder than outer noise.

The sky is small enough to fit my eye,
while my hands easily enclose the sea.

Yesterday affects me the most,
while yesteryear is a sketchy haze.

The imminent stimulates the most,
distant future is an unsolved maze.

Closeness breeds relative disproportion,
while distance puts things in perspective.

The whole game is played on space and time.
The closer you get, the bigger the illusion.

Who am I? - a short story

“And the CEO of the year is Mr. Ben Richardson,” said the presenter to an audience that stood up to applaud the winner. Ben himself was fairly subdued in his reaction, almost belying the prestige of the award which was informally called ‘The Business Booker’. Some would call it confidence, some arrogance of being the youngest CEO of a Fortune 500 company at just thirty two years.

Ben watched the recording repeatedly, wondering what prevented his joy at that moment of a lifetime. During his short acceptance speech, Ben knew he looked at the audience but did not see them. His eyes were gazing somewhere beyond, while he was probing something deep within.

Lost in his internal conflict, Ben missed a few knocks at the door. It was Jim, his happy-go-lucky friend from school. He tripped and spilt martini as Ben opened the door. Ben chortled at the smudges on Jim’s black jacket and white shirt.

“Ben, what the hell are you doing all alone in this room?” asked Jim with a slur, looking around after recovering.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” asked Jim, confused, “The corporate bigwigs are in the next hall celebrating your achievement. You should be out there, not here.”

“Hmn,” said Ben indifferently as he sat on the black, leather sofa that sucked him in. 

“Is that all you’ve to say? What’s the matter Ben?” a concerned Jim sat next to Ben gently placing his hand on Ben’s shoulder and the glass on the table, “Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted?”

“Hmn,” Ben nodded.

“Ben, you are the subject of everyone’s envy,” an annoyed Jim got up and raised his voice under the assumed authority of a friend, “for having achieved all this by thirty-two. And this HMN is all you’ve to say?” Jim almost stumbled back into the sofa as he finished.

“Hmn.”

Jim sighed in annoyance and moved away from Ben.   

“I ask again Ben,” he turned anxiously, “what’s the matter? Aren’t you going to tell your best friend?”

“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Ben ran his fingers through his hair, shaking his head.

“Has something happened that I’m not aware of?” Jim asked, looking grave.

“These are the things I always worked for: success, recognition, achievement,” Ben got up and walked a few steps placing his hands in his black, Gucci trousers pockets. He turned before adding, “But now that I’ve achieved everything I possibly can, there is a vacuum.”

“Oh!” exclaimed Jim as relief replaced the concern on his face, “I think I know what you are talking about. It’s lonely at the top, isn’t it?”

“No.”

“No? Then?”

“I feel like I know so much about the outside world, but …”

“But what?” asked Jim, worried again.

“But I know nothing about myself, my real identity,” Ben sighed.

“What?” asked a perplexed Jim with a wry face, “What do you mean?”

“Who do you think am I?”

“You should be the first person capable of answering this question my friend,” said Jim, guffawing.

“Is it? If you think it is so easy, why don’t you try?” Ben challenged Jim.

“You are Ben Richardson,” Jim said smugly, knowing that he can’t get wrong.

“That’s my name,” clarified Ben, “Who am I?”

“What the hell is the difference?” asked Jim, flummoxed.

“That is my name Jim,” Ben moved towards Jim in an attempt to clarify his point, “It is a tag for all of us to identify me. What if we were all identified by numbers? Would I be any different if my name was Jack or 512?”

“You mean,” said Jim as he understood Ben’s perspective, “a rose by any other name …”

“Yes.”

“Aaah!” Jim exclaimed as he finally understood what Ben was getting to, “Ok. You are the CEO of a fortune 500 company.”

“That’s my designation. Who am I?”

“You are American.”

“That’s my nationality.”

“You are one of the youngest billionaires in the world.”

“That’s my wealth.”

“You are a man.”

“That’s my gender.”

Jim then took a break as he brooded for the next possible answer.

“You are a husband to a wife and a son to your parents.”

“Those are my relations. Who am I?”

“You are a human.”

“That is just a physical form.”

“You are a bloody idiot hell bent on ruining my heavenly inebriation,” Jim lost it.

“Gave up?” Ben chuckled.

“Yes,” Jim raised his hands in exasperated surrender as Ben continued smiling, “can’t argue with an intelligent fool.”

“Damn,” Jim walked away from Ben in frustration and whispered, “Why the hell did I enter this room? 

When logic failed, Jim resorted to the next best thing.

“You have achieved so much without answering this question,” Jim pleaded sincerely, “What stops you from going on? How does this one question suddenly become so important?

“This question seems to be the most important question of my life right now,” said Ben calmly, “I can give up my whole corporate life to get the answer to this.”

“But why is it pertinent now, in this moment of your life?” Jim cried.

“I don’t know. All I know is it’s important right now,” Ben affirmed.

“Stop acting like a pregnant woman,” Jim rebuked Ben.

Ben glared at Jim.

“Why do you care Ben?” not finding anything better, Jim began to plead, “You have everything: a beautiful wife, a great job, a profitable company, happy shareholders. What more do you want?”

“More,” Ben chuckled before turning serious again, “That is the word, isn’t it? M-O-R-E More. Are you really sure I shouldn’t want more when greed is exactly what we have created around us?”

“Looks like you need a break,” Jim suggested when pleading also failed.

“Bloody hell I do,” Ben affirmed.

“Where do you want to go?” Jim asked, encouraged by the first sign of agreement from Ben, “Miami, Rio, Switzerland, Bali, Dubai or Thailand. Tell me. I want you back Ben. I’m not comfortable with this avatar of yours.”

“India,” said Ben with sparkle in his eyes.  

“India?” cried a shocked Jim, “What the hell is there in India except a suffocating crowd of a billion people and a few call centers. You can’t even buy food there without getting sick.”

“May be the best that India has to offer cannot be bought, it has to be sought,” Ben asserted calmly.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I will get my answer there.”

****

The next day while returning from office, Ben, for a change, did not work in his chauffeur driven Bentley. A day old stubble shined in the crimson of the setting sun that peeked through roadside buildings. His tie was loose at the neck. Black Calvin Klein jacket with satin lapel lay beside him. The route felt almost new to him for he was always too lost in his work to notice the life around him. However, Ben did not really register whatever he saw as he was still wrecking his mind to find the answer.

Suddenly, Ben’s eyes registered something that broke his chain of thoughts and made him sit up.

A bearded monk with knotty, unkempt hair was entering a garden wearing a simple saffron dhoti and wrapped in a shawl. He had no footwear.  The anachronism of a monk in Manhattan struck Ben.

“Pull over the car,” he ordered impulsively.

Ben ran towards the garden entrance wearing his jacket looking for the monk.

“Excuse me, Excuse me,” Ben called out as he reached close enough.

“Yes Ben,” said the monk as he turned.

“How do you know my name?” a shocked Ben asked, his mouth agape.

“That’s not the most important question you want answer to, correct Ben?” the monk smiled benignly.

Ben didn’t know what to say. His mind went numb, his heart pounded, his mouth didn’t know how to close and his wide open eyes forgot how to blink.

“mmn … wh … who am I?” Ben heard himself ask.

“I hope you are not expecting the normal answer from me,” the monk started walking further, Ben followed involuntarily.

“Of course not.”

“I don’t think you can understand the answer,” said the monk, throwing a challenge at Ben.

The monk’s questioning Ben’s intelligence brought his pride into play and jerked him back to his senses.

“Well, you are doubting the intelligence of one of the smartest kids on the block,” Ben said indignantly, “You know that my smartness has made me the one of the richest men in the world?”

“Then why can’t your intelligence and wealth make you happy?” the monk threw Ben off-guard.

Embarrassed, Ben cleared his throat as the only response he could muster.  

“I’m sorry,” said Ben sincerely, “I was just swept over by the ego. Please tell me who I am.”

“Ok,” said the monk as he turned towards Ben, “You are the unseen behind the seen, the nothing that holds the everything, the unmanifest that projects the manifest. You are the changeless substratum that supports the ever-changing. You can see, but you have no eyes. You can hear, but you need no ears. You can do, but you choose to just be. You are the spirit that is observing and experiencing itself through you and through all that you do with your body and mind.”

“Thank you, but I’m afraid I don’t get you,” said Ben, confused and hesitant.

“I know you don’t,” the monk chuckled, “You wish to know your spirit through words, which are the creation of the mind. They are labels which are mind’s attempts to comprehend life. Your limited mind cannot grasp what is essentially limitless. The English vocabulary has not evolved enough for me to give you a peek into your soul. Can any word truly give you an experience? Can the four letters L-O-V-E truly reflect the magnificence of the experience of ‘love’?”

Ben tried catching the monk’s words like pearls falling from the sky. He, however, still struggled to comprehend.

“I don’t think I still get you,” Ben pleaded, “please give me the answer.”

“You cannot get the answer Ben,” the monk said sanguinely, “You have to experience the answer. It cannot be told to you, for your true self is beyond words. You cannot ask this question to the outer world, for you have to seek the answer in the inner universe. You cannot think the answer, for your very thought prevents you from seeing deeper. You have to silence the voices in your head to hear the whispers from beyond.”

The monk came closer to Ben and held his hand with his chapped but strangely warm hands.

“Close your eyes Ben,” said the monk with such hypnotizing love and peace that Ben could only follow him. Every subsequent statement took Ben deeper into tranquility, “Stay in the moment. Go within. Simply witness your thoughts. Just observe them as they come and go. Feel your breath. As the thoughts wane, be with the silence.”

Saying this, the monk left Ben’s hand. Ben felt the moment. He spread his hands as if embracing the wind. It’s chillness no longer mattered to him.

“In this silence,” Ben heard the monk’s voice “you access your true essence, the stuff that you are. You are now ready to receive the message from your ‘self’.”

Ben stayed that way welcoming the moment, the wind, the fragrance, the eternity and the universe into his fold.  He could hear his breath over the din of the traffic. Moments after moments collected in the lap of his eternal self that kept him still. Ben lost the sense of time. His breathing slowed down, he smiled as he started accessing the bliss of his being. He felt the hair on his skin raising, mouth started twitching, his chest started heaving, his hands started shivering and eyes started watering.

“I … I see the Himalayas,” he spurted with tears of joy gushing from the corners of his eyes.

When Ben opened his eyes, the sun had long set while the garden lights had come to life. The monk was not around but that didn’t stop Ben’s most genuine smile in days and glow from within. Ben knew where he would find the monk and experience his answer.

Sky

When I look at the sky,
I don't see the sky;
I see the limitless universe
pouring in my limited eye. 

दुबई - Dubai

दुबई रातको जगमगा उठती है 

सितारों से शायद होड़ करती है 

इसकी चमक को क्या नाम दें

सूरज तो ये नहीं 

फिरभी तारों को छुपा देती है

Dubai shimmers at night 

perhaps, it's competing with the stars. 

What name do we give to its glitter? 

It's not the sun and yet

it hides the stars. 

Pride

The sun doesn’t brag that it’s bright,

a bird is not vane in its flight.

A peacock doesn’t boast of its dance,

a swan has no conceit in romance.

The sky is not proud of its size,

nature doesn’t say it is wise.

What good O’ man is your pride?

Beware! It's taking you for a ride. 

When was the last time?

When was the last time

you felt in your prime,

smelt roses in a garden,

danced in the rain,

saw the freedom in a child’s smile,

spent a moment you wanted again,

told yourself ‘it’s fine’,

felt like you had all the time?

When was the last time

you watched the crimson sunrise,

and the serenity of the sunset,

saw the soul in a dog’s eyes,

made a grand day for someone

through random act of kindness,

felt a moment to die without regret,

felt you’ve realized your purpose?

When was the last time

you felt bliss all around,

you chose to not judge,

from goodness you didn't budge,

danced like no one’s watching,

felt pain without suffering,

believed you were truly rich,

ambled around bare-feet?

When was the last time

you took a deep deep breath,

ran till you almost died,

felt so good you cried,

acted out of your mind,

let out the inner child,

bathed in the sea,

or just somersaulted?

When was the last time

you had goose bumps,

made peace with yourself,

forgave others and thyself,

said hello to your soul,

truly followed your heart,

went beyond me and my,

asked yourself ‘who am I?’

When was the last time

you simply hugged yourself

or hugged a tree,

felt truly free,

drove a bicycle,

rambled without a cellphone,

wallowed in the sand,

or kissed the moon?

When was the last time

you saw a rainbow,

slept on the grass,

rolled over a slope,

jumped many stairs,

chose stairs over escalators,

watched the glory of an eclipse,

guessed the shapes of the stars?

When was the last time

you laughed and cried at the same time,

climbed a mountain,

opened your arms to the breeze,

blessed every moment,

jumped with joy,

heard your echo,

felt good about letting go?

When was the last time

you stuck your neck out a speeding train,

you did not hurry,

nor give in to worry,

sang in the shower,

hugged a stranger,

you loved yourself

and just sat still?

When was the last time

you felt your oneness with all,

you felt truly blessed

and saw a win in your loss,

to no-one in particular

said a heartfelt thank you,

felt there was nothing to do

only to be?

When was the last time

you did something for the first time? 

The fount of true love

When pain ceases to make you suffer.

When solitude over shallow company you prefer.

When body and mind are not

your highest sources of pleasure.

When you drink from the nectar of divinity

and bathe in joyous stream eternally.

When the other is not your only friend.

When being alone is not being lonely.

When closing your eyes takes you to a trance,

when going within is a mirthful romance,

when peace performs a perennial dance,

when compassion to flow spares not a chance.

When a caged bird is not your beloved

but the one flying freely in the sky.

When you need not possess to feel loved,

her absence won't make you feel unloved.

When the world loses its power to ruffle you,

when the events around can’t so much as touch you.

When you’re solid like a rock and yet gentle like a dove,

then you know you’ve found the fount of true love.