Just a little food for thought though - the two times you narrated the story of the tortoise and this one, I always seemed to enjoy the narration much more, you have a great way of story telling verbally, simpler and there is good flow whilst arousing anticipation and curiosity about the end.
Comparatively the written version (to me) does not flow as well. Maybe as you have time to think much more on each paragraph and add to it more words to make it individually sound great?? ... yet the para seems separate and not in link with the overall story??
Well I don't know if you get my point...... simply put 'go with the flow' (as when you speak) and make minimal changes....... well that's my two cents , in case you find anything of use to you.
It is a delightful piece and overall you capture the essence of the characters and their mindset most gracefully. It is neither over or understated.
a beautiful and powerful story that gives us the right amount of character insight for us to take an interest in them and this 'moment in time' as it transpires.
4 comments:
Really good!
Nice going.
Just a little food for thought though - the two times you narrated the story of the tortoise and this one, I always seemed to enjoy the narration much more, you have a great way of story telling verbally, simpler and there is good flow whilst arousing anticipation and curiosity about the end.
Comparatively the written version (to me) does not flow as well. Maybe as you have time to think much more on each paragraph and add to it more words to make it individually sound great?? ... yet the para seems separate and not in link with the overall story??
Well I don't know if you get my point...... simply put 'go with the flow' (as when you speak) and make minimal changes....... well that's my two cents , in case you find anything of use to you.
Happy breathing :)
Simply Awesome!!
It is a delightful piece and overall you capture the essence of the characters and their mindset most gracefully. It is neither over or understated.
a beautiful and powerful story that gives us the right amount of character insight for us to take an interest in them and this 'moment in time' as it transpires.
Post a Comment